“Help people hate each other” and other unusual job descriptions

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How many HR hours go into creating comprehensive and accurate job descriptions? Too many, if these pithy alternatives are to be believed.

When Dilbert creator Scott Adams asked people for joke job descriptions he got more than he bargained for with hundreds of responses. Here are 16 of the best:


  • Help people hate each other – Divorce Lawyer (Scott Adams’ favourite)   
  • Talk in other people’s sleep – College Professor   
  • Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing – Incident Manager   
  • Make people feel bad about their work – Quality Assurance Tester   
  • Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper –  Tax Accountant   
  • Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism – Fireworks Stand Manager   
  • Arrive after the battle and bayonet all the wounded – Auditor   
  • Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire – Consumer Products Tester   
  • Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds – Sailing Instructor   
  • Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool – Lifeguard (HRM’s favourite)   
  • Spend most of the day looking out the window – Pilot   
  • Go to strange people’s houses and take their money – Pizza Delivery Boy   
  • Take pictures of the unlucky and the stupid – X-ray Technician   
  • Profit from the misfortunes of others – Cops and Courts Reporter   
  • Run away and call the police – Security Guard   
  • Copy and paste the Internet – Student


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